my voice screaming into the void

It has been 10 months since I lost my beautiful Dahlia. 10 months that I have been waiting to wake up from this nightmare. 

10 months.

My baby, gone.

10 months ago I failed her.

It only took 10 minutes of argument. Only seconds of me losing my temper and scolding her to make her cry.

5 minute drive home.

1 minute for her to give me her phone as punishment.

30 minutes of putting myself in time out. I knew I was wrong to scold her.

1 minute to go to her room.

Then my world ended. Why couldn’t I get the door open? Why was she sitting like that? Why won’t she wake up?

10 months of seeing her with a belt on her neck, hanging from her top bunkbed.

10 months of seeing her asleep, refusing to wake up.

10 months of hearing my own screams.

10 months of watching myself collapse in middle of the road, screaming,  pleading for help.

10 months. This nightmare will never end.