my voice screaming into the void

I can think of multiple times I should have died. Missing death by seconds, or changing my mind on something. 

I wasn’t supposed to survive after Sophia’s birth. Pre-eclampsia should have progressed to eclampsia.  I should have died. If that timeline had gone as it was supposed to, then Dahlia never would have existed. 

What would have better? Should I have left this world before Sophia even knew what a mother was? Before I gave her a sister,  best friend,  then ripped that away?

What timeline would have been better?

Has my existence caused more harm than good?